I am Sus Domestica

A friend of mine told me that he knows someone who did his ‘thang’ on the sitting bowl and went over to the shower stand to wash up.

Confused? Let me illustrate with a diagram below:

Now you may wonder why would a sane man do something like that?

You see, the toilet system in HK is a little different from Malaysia. Take a look at a typical flush toilet in HK

Just ignore the mismatch between the lid and the bowl.

You notice that there are only two things in the picture above. The bowl and toilet paper. That’s all! In KL, most of the time you will find a decent hose for you to wash your butt. But over here, you can’t find it in any of the public toilets. The toilet papers on your left is your only solution. Some foreigners who are so used to washing their butts upon shitting would find this rather uncomfortable. That is why some people resorted to washing in the shower stand or bath tub.

The other reason that I could think of is …….

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I know how it feels when you need to ‘release’ urgently and randomly enters a cubicle without examining whether it has toilet papers or not. Trust me it happens all the time.

I would like to take this opportunity to recommend some solutions to the above ‘* fucked up *’ problem. Bear in mind the proposed solutions are of no mean complete/exhaustive. If a sus domestica can propose some ‘practical’ solutions, I believe you guys can add on to the list

First solution (not recommended):

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES RESORT TO THE ABOVE. I SWEAR I’LL FORCEFULLY REMOVE ALL YOUR TEETH, SPLASH YOUR SCUM FACE WITH ACID AND CHOP OFF ALL YOUR FINGERS

Second solution (highly recommended):

Yeah, you are right! Underwear. In fact all undergarments are practical in the event of ‘emergency’. I got this idea from my secondary school friend who frequented the toilet but always cannot find water hose and toilet papers. Yes my friend, use this to wipe away the ‘waste’. Make sure you be very caution when putting it back on as you do not want the stained section to touch your skin.

Third solution (high recommended):

Again, I got this idea from the same friend. He always carries a handkerchief with him. If you do resort to this make sure you dispose it immediately! BUT what if you have

This is an LV handkerchief worth US$140! I suppose only a desperado would use it for this purpose. Therefore think properly before disposing it. Again avoid contact with your skin mouth and scum face shall you decide to use it :p

Third solution:

If you are wearing them…

There you have it people. Some of the recommended solutions by Sus Domestica on how to deal with ‘* fucked up *’ situation. I would like to reemphasize again that these solutions are incomplete and it is up to the readers to figure out more creative and effective methods. Thank you!

Btw, the toilet system in Bangkok is the same as KL. Now you know why I was so eager to go to Bangkok during CNY

On another note, here is a public announcement to all toilet users in Graduate House. Do not under any circumstances produce a single irritating noise when using the toilet regardless of what ‘purpose’!

You need to realize that the toilet and room are separated by a thin wall. If you moan like going through your first delivery OR in the process of losing your virginity, chances of your neighbor (me) hearing it is DAMN HIGH. I definitely cannot see what you are doing but I could not stop ‘imagining’ the excitement/pain that you are currently going through and eventually lose sleep. Please be considerate. Thank you.

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Ah Beng works in one of the labs on the 8th Floor of Chow Yet Ching (CYC) Building. Just like other guys working on the same floor, this is his journey to the loo.

Entering

He enters and find

next to it is

Finally he would expect to reach his intended destination BUT

Instead of reaching his destination, he was ordered to go downstairs. He’s a bit tulan now. The feeling is similar to how Chua Sui Jai felt when he heard about the quote of the year “He looks like me, he sounds like me but he’s fat and ugly, so he cannot be me”

He is in an emergency cos his ‘brother’ cannot tahan dee and a bit lazy, so he has no choice

but to use this toilet because he doesn’t want to be caught on tape using the female toilet!

From that day onwards, the toilet for disabled has become

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